How to Solve a Problem

what I learned from 22 years of small business

I don’t know if other people in small business have this experience, but WCA talks to me. I thought I’d try writing down what it sounds like. Credit where credit is due, I didn’t so much write this post as take dictation — which, come to think of it, I’m probably doing most of the time. So here are WCA’s instructions on how to solve a problem. Any problem.

Art by A. Cohen

First, find your position in relationship to the problem: not too close and not too far away.

If you realize that you’ve got your hands around the problem’s throat and you’re trying to throttle it, stop, you’re too close. If you’re curled up in a ball on the ground at its feet, begging for mercy, also stop. Get up, dust yourself off, and back away. If you’re running away from it as fast as you can, stop and turn around. Can you see the problem from where you’re standing? If not, get closer.

All of this advice presumes that you’re able to move, so if you can’t move, we’ll have to start there. Can you wiggle your fingers and toes?

To solve a problem, the order of operations is first to make sure you’re not in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You have to find a position where you feel safe enough to just stand there and look at the problem.

Found it? Good.

Now wave hello.

Yes, the problem’s waving back. It’s already forgiven you for attacking it and/or weeping abjectly into its socks and/or running away and/or being immobilized. It doesn’t take your reactions personally, because it’s not a person, it’s just a problem.

If you freak out because OMG it’s waving back and you find yourself in fight, flight, freeze or fawn, stop. Calm down and try again. Don’t worry, you have plenty of time. Repeat as needed.

Once you’re able to just stand there and look at the problem, and once you’ve waved to each other, now turn your attention to the space between you and it. What’s going on in that space, if anything? What’s the air quality like? If you find yourself getting stressed and impatient, like I don’t care about the space between us, I just want to solve the problem, stop. You are solving the problem. The space between you and the problem has to be taken care of, and this is the first step.

If that space is polluted and forbidding, if it’s a junk pile reeking with poisonous fumes, we’ll have to do something about that. Is the space filled with negativity and hopelessness, your self-hatred, or your narratives about how much the world sucks and you suck and the problem sucks? Are there any laments about how this problem shouldn’t exist and/or somebody else should have solved it already? Any righteous judgments? If so, we have to clean it up.

In order to get a solution, you have to have room for a solution.

Think of it as a room, for your guest, the solution. See how you need to prepare a room that a solution would want to hang out in? It doesn’t have to be fancy but it does have to be clean and welcoming. No snarky graffiti on the walls. You have to be like, yay solution! I am so looking forward to meeting you! That’s what you’re thinking about as you clean up all the negative, malodorous clutter that’s filling the space between you and the problem.

Take as many breaks as you need. Definitely don’t rush or panic, but do stay focused. Be as methodical as you can about cleaning up the space. The pile of hopeless thoughts might appear to be enormous, but just keep picking them up one at a time, for example “I will never solve this problem because it is unsolvable” or “I will never solve this problem because everyone hates me” and keep dropping them, one at a time, into your wastebasket. At some point, this kind of cleaning should start to feel soothing and pleasant enough that it becomes a self-reinforcing process. It should feel good to work on the space this way. If it doesn’t, you’ll need to figure out why. But don’t worry, you can do that too!

You don’t have to go fast to accomplish this task, you just have to be patient and relentless. Every bit of effort counts.

Art by A. Cohen

At some point the space between you and the problem will be cleaned up enough (it doesn’t have to be perfect!) that it will actually look appealing. It will look like a pleasant guest room -- and also like a sunny meadow or a hammock under a tree or even, ha ha, like a recliner with a fuzzy blanket that you want to lie down and take a nap in. Nice work! By all means take a nap, that would be an excellent use of your time.

You’re more than halfway there.

While you’re nice and relaxed — don’t get up yet — let me remind you of all the times we’ve done this before, and what you know about this process. In a little while, whenever you’re ready, you’re going to get up and take a few steps into the sunny space between you and your problem. That’s right, you’re going to get closer to it. These are steps that you couldn’t take before because you were too freaked out, but don’t worry, you’re going to be fine. All that cleaning you did will help you stay calm as you draw nearer to the problem; you’re not going to trip over any self-hatred or bang your shins on any old narratives.

And then you’re going to ask the problem, what do you need? And because you’ve done so much preparation, it will answer you.

It will never say, money.

it will never say, for you to be someone other than yourself.

It will never say, other people’s approval.

It will always say, you.

Because this is small business we’re talking about. You can’t solve your problem without giving yourself to it — in one form or another, and also, in a way that doesn’t hurt you. As you know from experience. If you give yourself to a problem and shortly afterward, you notice that bruises are appearing all over your body, you have to stop, back up and start over. Because a solution that hurts you isn’t a solution.

At some point you and the problem will actually reach out to each other and shake hands. You can’t solve a problem at arm’s length, though everyone — understandably — wants that. You can’t manipulate it from afar by using a drone. Even if the solution turns out to be some kind of technical fix, you always have to touch and befriend and in some form collaborate with your problem. It requires your presence. You can’t solve it if you’re keeping your distance out of fear or anger or lack of confidence.

Once you start working together, the next steps will become apparent.

Maybe you need to reach out to other people, have a meeting, talk things over in a retreat. Maybe you need to do some research, or engage in some kind of wayfinding process, or learn a new skill. Maybe as you befriend this problem, you’ll discover it’s not really a problem — or not really your problem. Maybe things will just fall into place for you — and that’s how you’ll meet your solution.

That’s how you met me, remember?